I realize for someone who seldom "posts" this is pretty random, but knowing my children the way I do, I just had to hurry and post this!!!! ENJOY!
Subject: The Public Restroom
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWNthere was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOWwhat kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDEDit??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Wedding!
Well, I finally have some time to update my blog! I know, I know, what excuse could I possibly have and who cares anyway? right? In any case I just took a bunch of photos at Hilary and Johnny's wedding and decided the best and easiest way to share them would be on the blog.
Last Tuesday, Cari Z,Mandi, Cassie and myself all headed to Steamboat Springs, Colorado to assist with the wedding preparations for Hilary's big day. I was not prepared for how much fun culinary work could actually be. Anyone that knows me very well at all knows that "culinary" and "Mary Ann" do not belong in the same sentence. (Not in a good way, anyway). So you're probably as surprised as I was to find out that Laurel actually requested my help at all. But, since her cooking skills are similar to mine, she needed me along for the camaraderie and empathy as much as anything else, I'm assuming. The big surprise was that we combined our ability to 'take orders' with Johnny's family cooking/entertaining/organizing skills and we had a fantastic time together! Hilary has married into an exceptionally nice family and stands to have an exciting life in Steamboat Springs. Johnny is a local "celebrity" and is very well-liked among the locals we met. The property they have purchased to build their house on is fantastic and the area around Steamboat is nothing short of 'breathtaking'! It's similar in beauty to Jackson Hole I would say, but I actually liked the city itself better.
The wedding and the reception were spectacular and Dale did a very nice job as the official wedding minister. Laurel said one of the groomsmen actually complimented Dale on the ceremony and told him how much he enjoyed what he said about the "sanctity" of marriage. How often does that happen - not often! Good Job Dale!
Second only to the extravaganza of Hilary's wedding, was the welcome surprise of a very large 'Mustang Rally' being held the day of the wedding right there in downtown Steamboat. Needless to say, Glenn was in "hog heaven". There were more mustangs than I think I've seen in a lifetime. While there were a number of Shelbys similar to the one we lay claim to, there was not a single one that had air conditioning like ours. I guess there were so few of those made that it was even more rare than we knew at the time. Oh well, so much for the things that might have been.........
Another nice surprise occurred while we were wandering through the mustangs, and that was we ran into Ashley and Scott Campbell! We had no idea they were coming so it was nice to spend some time getting caught up with them and their lives. We really do need to make more of an effort to get together as a family. Just because mom and dad can no longer orchestrate it, that is no excuse for not doing it. Despite of how seldom we might see one another, we always seem to enjoy one another's company - at least I think we do! We probably enjoy one another more than other people do. How about that?
The husbands and children joined us later in the week along with Adam and Katie, Michael and Ann Marie, and David and Anna and children. It was fun to see everyone.
Thomas and Kricket assumed responsibility for grandma and grandpa and all was well with them.
Our house is coming along and should probably be all closed in by the middle of July. It consumes Glenn's time every morning before he goes to work, but I think he is enjoying it a little bit. Alex is working with him and I hope their relationship is strengthened, not damaged by the experience. HA! Stephen spends a significant amount of time helping as well, and we would be in trouble without him. So life goes on here in the "burg" and I will try once again to be more regular.
P.S.
Ashley, you do not have to have a baby to Blog, so please join in!
Last Tuesday, Cari Z,Mandi, Cassie and myself all headed to Steamboat Springs, Colorado to assist with the wedding preparations for Hilary's big day. I was not prepared for how much fun culinary work could actually be. Anyone that knows me very well at all knows that "culinary" and "Mary Ann" do not belong in the same sentence. (Not in a good way, anyway). So you're probably as surprised as I was to find out that Laurel actually requested my help at all. But, since her cooking skills are similar to mine, she needed me along for the camaraderie and empathy as much as anything else, I'm assuming. The big surprise was that we combined our ability to 'take orders' with Johnny's family cooking/entertaining/organizing skills and we had a fantastic time together! Hilary has married into an exceptionally nice family and stands to have an exciting life in Steamboat Springs. Johnny is a local "celebrity" and is very well-liked among the locals we met. The property they have purchased to build their house on is fantastic and the area around Steamboat is nothing short of 'breathtaking'! It's similar in beauty to Jackson Hole I would say, but I actually liked the city itself better.
The wedding and the reception were spectacular and Dale did a very nice job as the official wedding minister. Laurel said one of the groomsmen actually complimented Dale on the ceremony and told him how much he enjoyed what he said about the "sanctity" of marriage. How often does that happen - not often! Good Job Dale!
Second only to the extravaganza of Hilary's wedding, was the welcome surprise of a very large 'Mustang Rally' being held the day of the wedding right there in downtown Steamboat. Needless to say, Glenn was in "hog heaven". There were more mustangs than I think I've seen in a lifetime. While there were a number of Shelbys similar to the one we lay claim to, there was not a single one that had air conditioning like ours. I guess there were so few of those made that it was even more rare than we knew at the time. Oh well, so much for the things that might have been.........
Another nice surprise occurred while we were wandering through the mustangs, and that was we ran into Ashley and Scott Campbell! We had no idea they were coming so it was nice to spend some time getting caught up with them and their lives. We really do need to make more of an effort to get together as a family. Just because mom and dad can no longer orchestrate it, that is no excuse for not doing it. Despite of how seldom we might see one another, we always seem to enjoy one another's company - at least I think we do! We probably enjoy one another more than other people do. How about that?
The husbands and children joined us later in the week along with Adam and Katie, Michael and Ann Marie, and David and Anna and children. It was fun to see everyone.
Thomas and Kricket assumed responsibility for grandma and grandpa and all was well with them.
Our house is coming along and should probably be all closed in by the middle of July. It consumes Glenn's time every morning before he goes to work, but I think he is enjoying it a little bit. Alex is working with him and I hope their relationship is strengthened, not damaged by the experience. HA! Stephen spends a significant amount of time helping as well, and we would be in trouble without him. So life goes on here in the "burg" and I will try once again to be more regular.
P.S.
Ashley, you do not have to have a baby to Blog, so please join in!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Finally
WEll the school, with their infinite wisdom, has decided to let me access my blog today so I thought I would use this time before the students get here to "ramble" a little about the happenings here in the land of snow. AND I do mean snow! We were out of school yesterday(Feb. 7) and last Friday too. It seems like the days they actually let us stay home, the sun shines and the wind is calm, but hey, who's complaining - NOT ME! Thomas and Alex used the time yesterday to shovel snow off the the Bake's and Stephen's roofs. They have been telling people to stay off their roofs due to the danger and that IF they need to get the snow removed, they should find someone with the proper equipment and skills. THOMAS AND ALEX???????? Well they both survived and I don't know what they actually did at Stephen's but they did an excellent piece of work for the Bake's and had some fun doing it. I used the time to get a little organization in my life, although you wouldn't know it by looking. Then I went to P&Z last night which always seems to get me stirred up, not matter how simple and straight forward the agenda items are, there are members of the commission that insist upon making them controversial, drawn out, and frustrating. Last night I took a new approach and shared my feelings about this and asked that we not belabor every point and the chairman actully made a big deal of thanking me for keeping us on track and reminding us that our personal biases have no place in our decision making process. Wow
Thomas and I attended the historic democratic caucus Tuesday night. I say "historic" because there were almost 200 people there, and in all the years I've attended these there has never been more than 30 people and they were mostly family members(Porter offspring) So imagine my surprise at finding Matt Zollinger there along with several of my former Gifted students and their parents. I don't know what that says about the connection between I.Q. and political affiliation but given the fact that I only work with the top 3% of the student population and the high representation they and their parents had at this gathering, I'm sure it means something. The other amazing thing was that we will be sending 1 delegate for Hillary Clinton. I think that will surprise many people, especially if they are aware of our official designation as the "Reddest" county in the United States.
Mom and Dad have had a pretty rough week. Mom fell and cracked her head open again and she has been in a lot of pain with her back which makes it difficult or impossible to stand. Dad has had trouble breathing and Jeff has got him using a nebulizer every four hours which seems to help with the breathing. Mom cannot figure out how to put the albuterol in the mechanism inspite of all the tutorials we have given her so one of us will have to be there, I'm afraid to keep it going. Mom's attitude is always positive and she laughs at herself without reservation. Dad's is not horrible all things considered, so we just do the best we can for them.
For those of you that don't know, Pearl Hepworth died the same day as President Hinckley, making dad the oldest living member of the 8th ward. He is sure that he can die now - as it is his turn.
Thomas and I attended the historic democratic caucus Tuesday night. I say "historic" because there were almost 200 people there, and in all the years I've attended these there has never been more than 30 people and they were mostly family members(Porter offspring) So imagine my surprise at finding Matt Zollinger there along with several of my former Gifted students and their parents. I don't know what that says about the connection between I.Q. and political affiliation but given the fact that I only work with the top 3% of the student population and the high representation they and their parents had at this gathering, I'm sure it means something. The other amazing thing was that we will be sending 1 delegate for Hillary Clinton. I think that will surprise many people, especially if they are aware of our official designation as the "Reddest" county in the United States.
Mom and Dad have had a pretty rough week. Mom fell and cracked her head open again and she has been in a lot of pain with her back which makes it difficult or impossible to stand. Dad has had trouble breathing and Jeff has got him using a nebulizer every four hours which seems to help with the breathing. Mom cannot figure out how to put the albuterol in the mechanism inspite of all the tutorials we have given her so one of us will have to be there, I'm afraid to keep it going. Mom's attitude is always positive and she laughs at herself without reservation. Dad's is not horrible all things considered, so we just do the best we can for them.
For those of you that don't know, Pearl Hepworth died the same day as President Hinckley, making dad the oldest living member of the 8th ward. He is sure that he can die now - as it is his turn.
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